Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

A couple of months ago I received some difficult news. My health is fine, but my life is upside down right now and I'm pissed off about it. That's not true. I'm afraid. Anyone who has lived to see it knows that adulthood is highly overrated. If I had known how good I had it at four years old, I would have savored it.

For those of you who don't know me personally, I'm not a fan of change, I'm stubborn, and I have a hard time accepting help from others. I like to think that I'm pretty smart and I can figure things out. Lately, I'm finding it hard to talk to people about my feelings and my situation. Of course, everyone has suggestions that I didn't ask for and don't want to hear. It's frustrating.

I have so much to figure out, so many big decisions to make, and so very little time to do it. In the past, when things have gone awry, they have always come back around and worked out to my benefit in some way. I'm trying my best to be in good spirits and keep it pushing, but everyday I feel life's vice tightening around me. Telling someone to have faith that things will get better is easy. Actually having said faith is scary difficult.

Incessant Noise

I... really... cannot... stop... thinking. I live in a perpetual state of over stimulation as it is. Coupled with the thought of someone tearing out my insides in a week I am way past all over the place. I want nothing more than to keep the parts of me they want to throw away. I stare at other people's children. Its really tough not to burst into tears when I see pregnant women. And everyone keeps telling me to be thankful that I already have a child... I don't wanna hear that shit. I'm a WOMAN and I wanna make babies. Aside from the fact that its my purpose in life, the sheer biology of being a female makes me feel this way and I can't stop it. And to boot this bitch mother nature has ruined my last week of normalcy. Like really??? This is some bullshit.