Showing posts with label cancer depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cancer depression. Show all posts

Thursday, March 17, 2011

From just outside the window

I got an email yesterday at work. It's content was saddening and the challenges therein dwarfed my personal sadness. In my tenure with my present employer at least three of my co-workers have died from cancer. They were all fairly young and when they passed it was a big deal. I'm not good with funerals and I did not attend any of theirs. People were sad about it for a time then as always they moved on. A while back another collegue of mine got some bad news. In November of 2009, David was diagnosed with Advanced Renal Cell Carcinoma. This scared me really bad because this is the same kind of cancer my father had (the first time). His cancer originated on his left kidney and spread to his brain, lungs, liver and most recently, his legs. The email said that it had reached stage IV. I learned the same day that David has also decided to blog about his cancer.  www.dpickens.com  I read it for a bit and this passage stuck out for me,

"My doctors have agreed that the prognosis at this point is anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. When I was originally diagnosed, I was told one year but I have beat that mark and I'll beat this one as well."


Then I wondered how he must feel hearing that he would meet his demise at the hands of this God awful illness. I decided that if he can be optimistic knowing that he has a short while to live... I should try approaching a half full glass with the aftermath of my cancer. Easier said than done... that being said I start therapy to cure my blues next week.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Your Blues ain't like mine

Sorry to keep everyone waiting. To tell the truth I'm still kind of out of it. I keep wondering if I will ever feel normal again. As of late I feel like a zombie... I meander. No real direction, no feeling; just moving, feeding, and taking up space. I guess I'm kind of a Debbie downer. When people ask me how I feel, I want to say... "broken" The next thing they say is, "pray about it". Ironically right now my relationship with God is on the rocks. I'm desperately trying to balance accepting the hand I've been dealt and not understanding why against staying faithful in my beliefs. I just feel like something good has to be coming, it just has to.