So remember the clarity I mentioned praying for to make sense of my illness? It finally came. It isn't at all what I was expecting. My best friend has cancer. It's much more advanced than mine. That's as much as I'm willing to divulge here. Although her diagnosis came last summer, it's been presenting symptoms for several years.
I have been avoiding writing about it because I was scared she'd read it and be sad. If you are reading this and this is news to you, I promise to hunt you down and punch you in the face if you interrogate her about it. Everyone sees me and wants to talk about how she's doing. It's a challenge not to cry, but I would rather that they ask me instead of her because ultimately I end up having to comfort them. She shouldn't have to deal with that. Shit, I still deal with people bursting into tears when they learn about my own illness. It's really awkward.
I made peace with my own cancer when I was able to tell her some of what to expect with hers. In the strangest way possible, the small bit of comfort I'm able to give her when she asks questions makes my struggle worth it. I would be lying if I said my heart isn't broken. I refuse to not be there for her. She's my person. I can't let her down.
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