Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Sex, knives, and Shaken Eight Balls
Reality is setting in and I am overwhelmed with a million emotions. There is never a moment in my life when I'm not horny... I'm a grown up an I can admit that. More than I want to dry hump the shit outta random strangers, I'm really sad. I think about being barren and what that will feel like. I will never feel a baby moving in my womb ever again. I won't get to nurse, or have morning sickness, or get excited about my baby bump growing. It's funny, pregnancy used to scare me. I had a plan; I would meet the man I had been waiting for, fall in love and have more babies. Now I think, if I meet this man, I won't be able to give him a baby. And I feel inadequate. I know two days from now I will wake up with a gaping hole
in my heart. I will feel it inside and out. I wonder if the next man who sees me naked will be disgusted by my scar. Will I have to explain it? I desperately hope not. I wonder if I will ever be the same.