Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Sex, knives, and Shaken Eight Balls

Reality is setting in and I am overwhelmed with a million emotions. There is never a moment in my life when I'm not horny... I'm a grown up an I can admit that. More than I want to dry hump the shit outta random strangers, I'm really sad. I think about being barren and what that will feel like. I will never feel a baby moving in my womb ever again. I won't get to nurse, or have morning sickness, or get excited about my baby bump growing. It's funny, pregnancy used to scare me. I had a plan; I would meet the man I had been waiting for, fall in love and have more babies. Now I think, if I meet this man, I won't be able to give him a baby. And I feel inadequate. I know two days from now I will wake up with a gaping hole in my heart. I will feel it inside and out. I wonder if the next man who sees me naked will be disgusted by my scar. Will I have to explain it? I desperately hope not. I wonder if I will ever be the same.


  1. Blunt honesty and self truth makes the reader more interested in the writer. If you wrote a book I think you could gather a cult following. Just my opinion tho!

  2. First things first... any man that doesn't love u for u naked or not is a dumb ass bc u have the full package! So don't worry bout that girl. I can't begin to know or understand how you feel, but I pray that God makes the healing process easy for you. Just for the record since I'm light skinneded lol my womb is open for you if you want to use it. I know someone who has gone through this at around the same age of coarse she was devestated because she didn't have kids at all she felt the same emotions u feel. She is now in her 60's and she has lived a happy healthy life. I say this because you and my aunt are similar in many ways... sassy, firey,loving, caring, intelligentX10, sexy, selfless, kind, giving, sweet, funny, radiant, spiritual, there are many other words but I don't wanna mush u up with mushyness. Lol. My aunt was able to weather her storm and make it through and so can you. No one said it would be easy Cee but you got this and I'm here whenever you need me. You can't ever be inadequate you gotta believe that. Aiight enough for now ill come back lata to encourage you some more. Ttyl keep ya head up. Xoxo

  3. When you read this and the rebirth of slick it truly shows the progression of thought as time goes on. WOW